I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
