I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
