my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
