What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
