Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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