Your mouth is God's brothel.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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