I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
