i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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