Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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