You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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