I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
