My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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