Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
