Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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