you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
