Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
