I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
