does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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