He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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