No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
