Apparently you make a good broom.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
