Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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