i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
