I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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