im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
