Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
