his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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