My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
