4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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