I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
