I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
