Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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