So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
