FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
