If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
