When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Randomize
