I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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