Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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