Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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