Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
