I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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