Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
