I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
