Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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