sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
