my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
