My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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