belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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