Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
