He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
