Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Damn victory sex feels great
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
