She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
