I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
